And we have all been promoted as salesmen

Jim Halpert would be proud of the changes at Panera Bread. Or perhaps saddened that like him, we are underpaid for the excessively fine jobs we do. Our duties as cashier no longer consist of mere order taking and quality control/customer satisfaction. We are salespeople. Tried and true. We will make you do things with our winsome ways.

Our agenda is threefold:

1. To make you order a pastry or sweet with your meal and drink.

Oh! You bought an entree! Did you want a drink? Of course you want a drink. Buy a drink. You can't wash down your meal with water. Now that you have your meal and drink, would you like to tack on six hundred calories a bakery item for just ninety-nine cents? Just ninety-nine cents for an additional ten pounds to your hips!!*

2. To get you to take a Panera rewards card and for heaven's sake, register it!

Despite what common sense would tell you, we love to give you free stuff. (Seriously, free stuff means no math for meeee!) Why in the world would you not want a card that gives you free food and drinks with a simple swipe!? Living out of town is no excuse. If you register your card at our kiosk, you get a free item right away. To not do that is like throwing money in the garbage because you might not have the opportunity to get more free money again. Do you really need to win the lottery twice? Just take the card!! Why won't you accept our generosity!? *weeps*

3. To have you take our online survey and gush about how wonderful your day at Panera was.

You WILL have a wonderful day at Panera. Why not make the rest of our days wonderful and give us feedback? It's not that hard to jump online and write a few words of encouragement. Unless you have typist hands like me which are in agony from pressing buttons on a register all day and then blogging and novel writing the rest of the time... but I'd still take the survey! If I could. Which I can't. Since I work there. Just duuuu it! *bats eyes* Pretty pretty pleeaaase? :)

And now, here are some helpful tips at how to be a good salesperson.

The most important is to be cute. If you're cute--tiny frame, brown almond eyes, youthful features like me, you can force people to sign away their souls and they won't even blink. But if you're next door to an ogre in looks, there's still hope! There's still threats! You kidnap their closest loved one or pet and threaten to make them clean vents** at Panera if the buyer in question doesn't comply with your demands.

That's what Dwight would do.

~Pixie

*I don't know why I'm using the weight sarcasm. I almost eat the most calories of anyone in a day, besides Azula.

**I also don't know why this would be a threat, since I love cleaning the vents. :P